Good evening ladies and gents or whatever time of day it happens to be when you’re reading this. Everyone knows what this weekend is and already has plans ready to go. Probably got your reservations made, you flowers and edible arrangements ordered and ready for delivery, or maybe a weekend get away. But, from the title, I’m pretty sure you already know where this is going. Now, now, before you start to get angry (mainly the ladies) just stick with me. This post is to help liberate the fellas from this bondage and free us of this yearly choke hold that this holiday puts on us.
So why am I screaming “FUCK Valentines Day”? Well there are a number of reasons, one of them being money. Now I am by no means a broke boy, but I do like to spend my money on stuff that makes sense and a made up holiday that people are estimated to spend a total $19.7 billion this year for dinner, chocolate, and flowers, doesn’t make too much sense to me. Another reason, and this is my main point, is that Valentine’s Day’s is a holiday for the “Ain’t Shit Nigga”. Whaaaaaa?! Yes, yes that’s exactly what it’s for, and let me explain.
There are two ways this holiday is for the Ain’t Shit Nigga. The first way being the Ain’t Shit Nigga needing that one day to prove his or her love to you (note: Ain’t Shit Nigga is not exclusive to just men). Fam done forgot about birthdays, been late picking her up from work in her car, giving it back to her on E, and caught getting a face time call from Papa Johns all year long. Now he knows that this one day is the designated day that he has to get it right. He knows that if he knocks this one out the park, his girl will forget all about what happened in the past. So what does he do? He goes and buys this big ass teddy bear, the huge bouquet of flowers, and writes a hand written note talking about how special she is. Then boom, he’s back on good terms. And with this “holiday” being so close to the beginning of the year, this is like a new start for them.
But here’s my issue, why do I as a man who treats my lady like a queen all year long, from the anniversary plans, to the birthday plans, to the Christmas gifts, to sitting listening about her boring ass day about how some coworker tried her, to…. the list goes on and on; but why do I have to prove my love to you on this one day? I’ve done that all year long. You want to know why? I’ll tell you exactly why, and that’s because this is a day of competition. Which brings me to my next point.
The competition. This competition is one between your girl and her friends. The pressure on the guy who’s girl has friends with boyfriends is much greater than the pressure than the guy who’s girl has single friends. If your girl has single friends, she’s already shitting on them by even having a man whether he’s “ain’t shit” or not. Her response to everything is, “But I gotta man, doe.” But to the fellas with a girl who’s friends have boyfriends, Valentine’s day might as well be a day that host a gladiator fight between them and the gifts you give are the sword and shield. The one with the most weapons wins. This has gotten 10x worse with the development of social media sites like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. This just gives ladies the platform to shit on all 987 followers and show them they have the best boyfriend in the world.
With that being said, if you don’t do anything on Valentine’s day? Your queen is going to forget all the things you’ve done the past 364 days and have the attitude of the century. No, not because you treated her like royalty all year long, but because Courtney posted her edible arrangement and she can’t post anything that you gave her to counter her move. This puts you in a bind of having no choice but to get a gift or something, otherwise, you guessed it, you look like an Ain’t Shit Nigga to her friends, her, and the rest of the world. And it shouldn’t be like that!
So in conclusion, fellas, if you’re not an Ain’t Shit Nigga I say we take a stand and boycott this holiday. It’s probably too late now because you’ve most likely made plans, but next year, let’s put a stop to all this madness and this made up holiday. We have the power, let’s take it back! Save your money! Quit Valentine’s Day! Until that day comes I’m going to continue to scream, “FUCK VALENTINE’S DAY!”
SEND ALL GEMS TO NERDNASH@GMAIL.COM