Nerd At The Cool Table
“Momma Gotta Have A Life Too!”: dating women with kids… (By @KortKobane)

“Momma Gotta Have A Life Too!”: dating women with kids… (By @KortKobane)

We can’t help who we are attracted to, and we definitely can’t help who we fall in love with, so we create standards and criteria for those to meet before we even entertain the thought of letting them have our number. Getting to know someone is great, but falling in love with someone is beyond one of the greatest feelings on earth. What we can all agree on, is learning to adjust and accept the differences of another human being that we have feelings for, is what makes us mature.

Dating women with children is something I’m going to say is exclusively for the mature. Reason being, if you are going to love that woman, you have to love what comes with her, and sometimes women come with children.

It’s totally scary, especially for a single man with no children like myself. I have dated women with children and it’s not something you want to lightly approach if you’re going to take them serious. You are going to be a part of that kid’s life if you want that woman to be apart of yours. I had to change my whole dynamic on what I thought dating was.

Most of these women hold high standards, especially the ones my age with children. Going into this relationship, you have to understand that you don’t come first. There’s going to be a ton of responsibilities that come before your relationship, and thats ok. Don’t be a fuck boy and make her chose. You’ll have to practice the ultimate humility and be willing to understand that she may cancel with you sometimes because her children come first. If anything, accommodate her if she has to default back to be being a mom.

Plan ahead, and make it easy for her to see you. Find out when she’s free. Make reservations. These small gestures of accommodation that you should be doing when you’re dating anyhow, have an amplifying effect on women, especially women with children because it shows them that even though they have to do so much, someone is still thinking of them. Plus it adds an element of romance to your lifestyle.

We also have to remove the stigma that just because she has kids, that makes her a hoe, or highly promiscuous. It doesn’t. The choice to bring another life into this world is brave, and raising a child in today’s society is to be applauded because its tough. Celebrate her and her bravery, by being loving, helping, and not hurting. She has enough bullshit to deal with, don’t add to it.

This is probably the most important gem in this whole piece: Please be mature enough to deal with the other parent. They may still be bitter and still in love with them, but don’t go being macho and throwing your bravado around if you don’t see yourself investing in the relationship. That will only cause tension between them, when you’re not even sure if you want to be around. So If you are going to be around, make it the most positive environment you can for that child. Set an example for what parenting and positive interactions are supposed to be like. Setting a precedent for how you’re supposed to interact with human beings is something kids take notice of. You’re a role model whether you like it or not. But just because you’re around and she may not be in a co-parenting situation with that child’s father, don’t assume she’s looking for a replacement baby daddy. She may just be looking for love. Being a mom doesn’t displace her sexuality. Don’t take it as disrespect, she just may not like inviting people into her child’s life and that’s ok.

But lets not forget the most important factor in all of this. The children! For god sakes think of the impression you are going to leave on the kids. Personally I think kids are awesome, there can be some contention there because they aren’t yours, but open yourself up to bonding and getting to know the kid as well. Even if the relationship sours, you don’t want to add negative aspects of you dating their parent into their life. If it doesn’t work out, just know that you didn’t emit any bad vibes on to them. For the most part, enjoy them , bond, do the things you enjoyed as a kid and maybe provide an escape in them they cant find anywhere else. Read comic books and enjoy fruit snacks together, ya know.

Lastly, we can’t help who we fall in love with, but you have to remember that she is a package deal. If you don’t like children or don’t want any, then unfortunately you have to let this relationship go. Because you will always have contempt and be bitter when her parenting comes before your relationship.

Kobane out.

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