Nerd At The Cool Table
Ask Backwood Ron

Ask Backwood Ron

About eight months ago, I got back with my ex after he had broken my heart. I thought he’d changed and that our relationship as a result would be better. About a month ago, we ended things. He blocked me via text, deleted me off of Facebook and Snap (gasp). I found out he was seeing a girl that he had previously been seeing behind my back again. Since then, I’ve seen him at the bars twice. Last week, he had called me and told me that it really upset him to see me out and that he still listens to my voicemails. 

I thought I was over him, but now I can’t stop thinking about the things he said on the phone. From a male perspective, what does it mean that he’s still listening to my voicemails, and what should I do. 

– Julia 

Julia, Julia, Julia…I won’t call you Gulia, because I doubt anyone has watched Adam Sandler movies as much as me. Let me give you some advice from a mad man with ashy hands and living a blessed life plans. First…love yourself more than you love an ex. Getting back with someone is never wrong or the problem; not making the necessary changes to yourself or believing what someone says instead of what they show you, ALWAYS is the problem. I don’t need to know the details of why you and your ex broke up. But; the fact that you did lets me and should let you know that there is more to life than the life you shared with them.

The reason why he still listens to your voicemails is because he’s a creep. Plain and simple. He wants that old thing back but he’s not willing to change his ways and be a new version of himself to get it. I don’t even leave voicemails because I don’t want any other man getting between my voice and my woman’s ears. I’ll admit that in my past, misguided life; ive left both sensual and scathing voice messages in an inbox or two…but the past shall not repeat itself. That’s what you have to keep telling yourself.

Now, some people will tell you to give him another chance or tell you that you’re better off without him; but only you can know for sure. Just because you think about someone who used to be in your life, doesn’t mean they still need to be in your life. Just because you keep running into your ex, doesn’t mean you need to run back the relationship for another playback. I’m just an uncle, single father and blessed soul looking for my place in the world…I’m not tryna tell you what to do with your love life. All I can encourage you to do is find peace in knowing that you never have to settle for what someone is giving you if it’s not all of what you really need. This has nothing to do with material things but everything to do with valuing yourself and your worth. You’re worth loyalty, you’re worth honesty, you’re worth someone not being petty and deleting you off their social media meanwhile still laying on the couch alone at night listening to your voicemails wearing grey shorts that used to be sweatpants.

If I didn’t answer your question; I’m sorry. But here’s my final thought…ex’s are great life lesson teachers. Don’t think too much about the past or people from your past because that will only distract you from seeing the new blessings that life has right in front of you. “Don’t tell me you love me; show me you love me…” Is the realest 90’s r&b quotable that comes to mind. Someone else’s thoughts about you does you no favors. What you know about yourself always matters. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t give old love a new shot…just don’t bring old players off your bench when new draft picks have a higher potential of not breaking your heart or reminding you of the heartbreak they’ve already caused. You’ve learned your lesson, now move on with your life like you know there are still dope experiences to be had…don’t even be sad. Like I plan on telling my son one day…if you haven’t loved and lost, then you haven’t lived enough.



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