1. YOUR FIRST DAY AT WORK IS LIKE YOUR FIRST DAY IN PRISON
Assert dominance and take a shit at your job. No literally take a shit in the bathroom. You gotta mark your territory my g. Let niggas know this is your bathroom stall that you’ll get these tweets off in. Plus you’re probably nervous and need to shit anyway. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone and get over that anxiety of shitting in public restrooms this is your home now.
2. Befriend old people so they don’t expect you’ll take their job.
Every drug dealer is intimidated by the new plug on the block. You have to let them know you don’t plan on shaking things up by over achieving too much so when you do they don’t expect it and don’t hate on you. Plus your coworkers are wealth of knowledge of how to act and who to avoid #staywoke
3.Be wary of people who don’t make eye contact when y’all pass.
THEY’RE THE FEDS I REPEAT THESE PEOPLE ARE THE FEDS. These people are the office snitches and already got you fired mentally so they don’t feel the need to acknowledge you. Don’t trip though look them dead in the eyes until they break contact. Chances are they’re not about that action and you listened to Migos before work so you’re with the shits.
4.Smile and nod misery loves company but not at work.
ALWAYS REMEMBER NOBODY HAS TIME FOR YOUR NEGATIVITY B. Your work self is not your regular self you are on company time and you don’t get paid to be miserable. Plus nobody wants to work with someone they don’t enjoy. Even if you’re having a bad day don’t let your coworkers see you slipping bro.
5. Don’t watch porn or do anything you can’t explain on the Internet.
This is a major key the IT department at your job is the CIA in real life. Everything single thing you do on your work computer is monitored. Don’t snitch on your self and DO NOT LOG ON TO SOCIAL MEDIA ON YOUR WORK COMPUTER UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR BOSS TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT FAT PUSSIES AND ANAL MEALS. Your boss will not follow back.
6.Crack a joke about weed so you can see who’s snitching.
This is for all my wake and bakers all my people that like to roll something before or after work. People snitch on themselves every day b. The easiest way to find out if your job is weed friendly is to say “hey such and such did such and such they must have been high on drugs” you’ll know how to move by their answer. (Thank me later my paypal is firstname.lastname@example.org
7. Find People of your own race for the upcoming race war!
Self explanatory cuz shit is getting real
8. MAX OUT YOUR 401k contributions.
Deadass your 401k match is free money in a sense that your company pays you for being there. You won’t be in your 20s forever you’ll need the bread. Get a Roth IRA if you can to take advantage of your current tax bracket. Save money for a rainy day so you don’t have wet socks you dig?
9. LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST. Don’t be a kiss ass.
Bond over hatred, hate is stronger than love. Everyone at your job is connected to through hatred and being tired of work. Use this to your advantage because this is the easiest way to make friends in life (besides weed) and hate is the glue that makes people stick together. THINK ABOUT IT.
If you use these rules you’ll survive being the new hire at work in more ways than one. Everyone at your job is the THEY Dj Khaled was talking about so be safe out here and always remember JR SMITH WON A RING THIS YEAR THE WORLD IS YOURS.