Nerd At The Cool Table
It was all a dream (By @TinaGray24)

It was all a dream (By @TinaGray24)

“Write it down on real paper with a real pencil. And watch shit get real” – Erykah Badu

I never had a typical dream. Seriously. Growing up I never had that “What do you want to be when you grow up” type of plan. I wanted to be everything! Why? Cause I was good at everything! If I wanted to draw, I drew so well that my mother would swear I traced it. If I wanted to dance, I kick ball chained my ass off. I wanted to sing, I wrote my first song when I was 10. I wanted to write books, I joined EVERY Gwendolyn Brooks and Young Authors contest that came around. By the time I got to high school, I was just hungry and wanted to eat. So me and the homies would leave school and I would make them french toast (or whatever my parent’s wouldn’t realize was gone). The point is, I did WHATEVER I thought about doing and had NO problem with doing it well.

Now while none of this is a problem to some, there IS a MAJOR problem in all of this. There was no focus. There was no vision ( Jack of All Trades, Master of Nothing!!!). None of what I wanted to do was cultivated into anything as a child. I can only imagine if it was. Being a creative child has to be the WORSE shit on earth when it’s not cultivated correctly. What I’ve realized (being a parent now) is that, its very hard for a parent to pinpoint their child’s strengths when they have to work like shit to make sure the household is taken care of. When it comes to being a creative child, the only type of parent that can REALLY understand that child, is a creative parent. And typically, growing up in the times in which most of us were raised, even the creative parents were telling their children to get a “real job”. Because of this, I believe a lot of my peers suffer with “finding their purpose”, men and women alike. There are so many things we wanted to do as children, but we gave up on them because: A. Our strengths weren’t cultivated, B. We were told our dreams we’re “realistic, and C. We were always told to follow the money, not the passion. There’s no way in the world my mother was going to tell me to follow a “PASSION”. Rent is always due on the first, car note on the 15th, lights & gas on the 18th, and nobody told her shit about a “PASSION” paying for none of that!

So, we’re left trying to figure things out with no focus & no vision (brain pretty much an internet explorer window with 42 tabs open). Growing up we’re constantly being told, “You need to get a job to pay theses bills” so all you know is getting a job and paying these bills lol. No matter what the hourly or salaried wage is, you accept being unhappy working somebodies “job” because well, it’s what you’re “supposed to do”. Then late 20s/30s hit, and the realization comes into play that my/your life really ain’t shit. You find yourself saying, “I don’t like what I do, AND this check ain’t even really hitting like I need it to be”. Now you’re wondering, “I was really in a rush to grow up for this bullshit?” Super weak! So you log on social media (cause this is what we do at these jobs we hate) and you see a shitload of Facebook status’s that read “What’s my purpose in life”. OH MY DAMN, we’re all searching for the shame shit! As Jay said “This can’t be life, it’s gotta be more….”. Jay was right, but Jay is always right. THAT’S NOT LIFE! At no point in life were we created to suffer or be unhappy. I am a firm believer of this. Will there be bad days? Hell yeah, of course, its life. But, EVERY day should not be a bad day. If it is, it’s time to reconfigure some shit.

I have a few friends that laugh at me when it comes to my employment because I NEVER have a problem with finding a job, I have a problem with KEEPING it lbs. If I wake up more than twice in a week and DREAD going to work, I start looking for another job IMMEDIATELY, no bs. Why do I do this? The answer is really simple…..cause NO!

Cause NO I’m not being unhappy to make someone ELSE rich. Cause NO these people wont stress me out. Cause NO this ain’t the only job in the world. Job’s are really place holders for ME. Some people like going to work everyday. They enjoy the monotony of knowing what their day will consist of and a steady check. Truth be told, there is nothing wrong with that if it works for you. What works for you is what works for you but I know what jobs are for ME. Earlier I said I never had the “what do you want to be when you grow up” type of plan. But, one thing ALL those things that I said I wanted to be had in common were they were all some type of freelance work. I could do them all on my own time. My own way. No rules cause well…I don’t follow rules really well.

The focus that I needed was to find out WHO I was. It ALWAYS comes back to that…EVERYTHING comes back to finding out WHO YOU ARE. I needed to take a moment to myself to see what was and wasn’t working for ME. Not what other people thought would work for me, or what would make me rich in other peoples eyes. If you take a look around you, money doesn’t necessarily make you rich. There are a lot of piss poor/brokEN ass people roaming the earth that have money (think about that). Only when I found out who I was, is when I found my purpose! I noticed I was good at a lot of things but I was only GREAT at 2, cooking and talking shit lol. So for 30 years (I wont say I wasted time because time isn’t wasted when lessons are being learned) I walked around avoiding what I was actually great at for the sake of a check…a little one at that.

In realizing all of this, I was able to tie everything into one. Understanding my purpose and paying attention to my own child’s strengths (realizing he’s a creative), has helped me develop ideas for both of us to walk in our purpose. Which is giving him exactly what I needed as a child. Definitely wasn’t the easiest thing to do because it requires sitting down, shutting the F up, and closing some of those brain tabs, but its very well worth it. So when people ask, “How do I find my purpose?”, I now have a legit answer for them. Besides telling them to pray for it to be revealed, I also tell them to remember what they once loved as a child. Am I telling you to quit your job in search for your passion? HELL NAH I go to work everyday, that would be stupid. What I am saying is don’t leave this earth not knowing what your passion is. You never know how God will may it work for you, or what you may create for the world in the midst.



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