Take care. Take care of yourself. Take care of you. Take care. We hear this a lot as farewells when leaving friends, as closing greetings in letters/emails, in conversations as we hang up the phone. We hear people say “Take Care of Yourself”, but do we really actually heed the words told and TAKE CARE of ourselves?
These past few days I engulfed myself into my darkness. I had to reveal to someone close to me, someone I loved and cared about, information about me I was not yet ready to discuss or disclose for many reasons. My loved one did not accept this information well, and then I spiraled into my darkness.
I became hurt, confused, depressed, suicidal, worried, alone. All the feelings I have been able to easily suppress, reared their ugly heads to haunt me of feelings of my past and brought them into the present. As I type this I am still dealing with these feelings. These dark feelings worried my friends and landed me almost in a psych ward at the hospital this past weekend, almost close to being admitted for good. By the graces of God and a second evaluation, I was allowed to go home. To be able to go home, to be able to be back into my house with my things, and not held up in a hospital possibly medicated out the ass and depressed more, was my wake up call to TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
I have been battling depression and anxiety for years, and every time you think you are in the clear, that things are going well, a traumatic experience will happen to trigger everything you have ever felt about yourself and you’re back spiraling into your darkness, and if so far enough you might not return. I finally hit that pit, and I do not wish to return. Many of those who love me and care about me have constantly told me these past days to take care of myself and its time.
Taking care of yourself can involve thinking positively. Feeding yourself words of affirmation that you believe. But more so deeper is taking the time to accept you have an issue and getting help. I have been blessed with real and honest friends in my life to suggest that I seek therapy, the word blacks run from the most. But I have had plenty of testimony from friends who have become better people from it. Healthier people, inside and out. By me taking this step, I am admitting I have a problem, and that I am taking the initial step to self-care.
You may lose people in your process of self-care. You may feel much more alone and have no one to talk to to relate to your issues or your process, but from what I have been told the reward of accepting the issues and talking them out to formulate a more positive outlook of how you see yourself is much more rewarding. I have decided to share this in hopes that if there are others out there who feel as I feel, please listen to me and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Because no one else will do this the best as you can do it for you. Take Care.
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