Nerd At The Cool Table
The Eddy Curry Story (By @Merces_By_Far)

The Eddy Curry Story (By @Merces_By_Far)

Smh. F*ck you Eddy Curry Jr, You piece of shit, is the first thing I think about when telling this story. For you casual nba fans or those not In the know, eddy (not Edward, not Eddie, not edwin, just fucking eddy) curry is/was a professional basketball player from Chicago that never lived up to his potential. He’s just a 6’10 d*ckhead in my eyes but fuck it, so are about 50 percent of delusional knick fans I’ve come in contact with over the years (myself included, until recently). Anyone that knows me, knows I’ve been a diehard Knicks fan since the early 90′s. I had the pleasure of seeing the great knick teams, but was also humbled and punished with the plethora of trizzash they let on the garden floor after those great years. I survived the likes of Howard eisley, Clarence weatherspoon, Willie Anderson, etc… but there is one nigger ( yea nigger, not nigga) that I will always loathe until i leave this earth and his name is EDDY CURRY JR.

Let me take you back to October 2010. Right in the middle of the nba preseason. A quiet Sunday afternoon. I Finally got over lebron pump faking the whole state of ny with “the decision.” And it just sunk in. We finally had a star in amare stoudemire, a solid point in ray Felton, and some young talent Wilson chandler, gallo, etc. we still had some holes, but this was by far the best team I’ve seen on paper in years. Now if eddy curry could give them maybe 12and 8 we’ll be solid up front (nh). Eddy curry played sparingly the year before hand, but came off a solid year in ’07/’08. A report on espn radio came out a few days before, that eddy curry came to training camp mad overweight and then f*cked up his ankle in practice so he was in a boot/cast.

Back to that Sunday. That’s usually my grocery shopping day. I’m from the north east Bronx, but I usually shop at target in white plains, ny which is a suburb about 20 mins away from the Bronx where a lot of upperclass people reside. Yea there’s a target about 5 mins away from my crib, but I’ll gladly take the trip out there so I can shop without running into every washed up person I went to high school with. Nah I don’t wanna hear about ur fat wife and how you use to have all the Jordan’s fam, foh. I usually do this shit alone, but I went with a female friend that day. There’s a Walmart right across the street from the target. She convinces me to go to the Walmart instead saying they had “better prices”. When i go to target, shit is mad organized. I’m usually in and out of there within half an hr. I was in walmart for damn near 2 hrs cause its so disorganized. F*ck I listen to this bitch for? So after I’m done with that she says. “Hey let’s get some ice cream, there’s a cold stone around the corner”. I’m not a ice cream type of dude so I’m like nah Im cool. Her: pleasssseeeeeee. Me: nah go head ill wait for you at the car. Her: no come with me. She damn near begging at this point which was annoying so I just went with her. We get in there and she orders first. She order some you gotta love it , galaxy, super galactic shit. They was putting all types of shit in there. I swear I saw them installing shit with a wrench. Her order took like 10 minutes. I’ve never been there so I’m buggin. F*ck kinda ice cream place is this? So now it’s my turn, I tell the dude I just want vanilla ice cream. He looks at me like I told him his mother sucked my d*ck. He’s then says, well sir we have Oreos, sprinkles, cookie dough, blah blah blah. I’m like nah I’m good with vanilla bro. He still going on about ingredients. He got some sort of shovel shit ready to add shit to my plain vanilla. I tell him again, angrily this time. I just want plain vanilla, I don’t want none of that bullshit b. So I finally get the ice cream. I get napkins an we were about to walk out. At about the same time, a short dirty nigga in oversized jeans with dreads walks in. Nigga looked like an extra in a cash money video from the late 90′s. remember I said this was a place where the upper class reside, f*ck is this dirty nigga doing near here. So right after the dread walks in, a tall fat nigga who is ducking his head under the door frame steps in. He pulls back his hoody and low and behold its eddy curry. I noticed 2 things off top. He was the fattest person I’ve seen in 6 months and he didn’t have his boot on. We caught eye contact and I just stared at him with the face of disgust a father has when he finds out his daughter is a dirty whore. So we’re just staring at each other for like 45 seconds. I’m 5’9, so just imagine that site. Without me saying a word, “he replies in the dirtiest of Chicago accents. “Oh hell nah, I’m in here for him Bruh” *points at dread*. The dread was sitting down, nowhere near the order line. I said to him. “You just don’t give a f*ck huh?”

He looked down shook his head and proceeded to the line to order. So at this point, we walking toward the car. im dead silent. When im tight i uaually just dont say a word. Shorty kept asking me. “U know that tall guy?” I ignored her the first 2 times. But her voice just kept gettin more annoying so i just flat out said no. We get in the car and she then says. U know that guy, cause y’all spoke. Who is he. I’m still tight and getting even madder. She ask who is he again. I ignore her. Then she said, that’s that knick guy colly, cully, I mean curry. At this point I just yelled out. BITCH IF YOU KNOW WHO IT WAS WHY THE F*CK YOU KEEP ASKIN ME FOR. I DON’T KNOW THAT NIGGA. FUCK EDDY CURRY. FUCK HIM!!! She looked like she was going to cry, but yelling did the job. SHe stfu the entire ride home. Lookin back at it, it was mad funny. But we dead ass haven’t spoken since that day. But f*ck her, If it wasn’t for shorty breaking my routine, I would’ve never met this clown.

So as I should have expected, eddy curry didnt play a god damn minute for the Knicks that year and was included in a trade that got Carmelo Anthony here , so u would think I would’ve been good with that right? No. In the biggest of “f*ck you knick fans, especially you Joey” PAt Riley signs him to the heat in 2012. I swear to god this man played like 2 minutes the whole season and went on to win a ring. Im watching him celebrate pouring champagne all over his derrick rose edition sideline suit and im just f*cking heated. I almost broke my tv throwing the remote at it. PAT EWING, OAK, Starks, mason have rings, But eddy f*cking curry has one forever. Pastor al patron likes to say, god is a funny nigga. I just think he hates me and all knick fans.

So in conclusion, i dont hate the heat for all the obvious reasons. I hate them for having the brass to sign eddy curry and parade him in our faces that spring of 2012. Hes probably somewhere eating and telling stories about how he use to be dope in high school, But when its all said and done its still fuck you eddy curry.

F*CK YOU.

2 comments

  1. not Eduardo, not Edison, not Edgar

  2. Had no f*cking idea this story was gone end like this. Wondering where this was going. But yo Eddy Curry’s ex-girl and daughter got killed, I don’t think that n*gga gives a f*ck about basketball.

    Teams prolly add him out of pity.

    Funny ass story nonetheless.

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