Nerd At The Cool Table
Life Lessons with Uncle Ron (By @RegularAssRon)

Life Lessons with Uncle Ron (By @RegularAssRon)

Do your thing; just don’t wake up the baby. That’s a house rule that n!ggas with size 12 feet always break. I woke up the baby twice this week just coming in from the cold unforgiving streets. There comes a time in a mans life when he’s gotta learn the balance. No one person can teach you the balance between life and lust; you just gotta learn. I’m learning. I was wildly untamed for years until I learned I couldn’t wake up the baby. Now I’m a domestic savage with a soul. My face doesn’t smile often but when it does, I’m usually looking at the baby. I can’t even think clearly unless I hear a baby crying in the background. This is life though. There comes a time when your life changes. You can’t live with n!ggas when you’re 30. That’s weird. N!ggas can’t stand you if you have dirty n!gga traits.

Dirty n!gga traits include but aren’t limited to: rooms that smell like boiled ramen water and Jergens lotion, showering and putting on the same boxers, eating Taco Bell from yesterday…and so on. You gotta grow up at some point and realize you can’t share a roof and bills with n!ggas anymore. There comes a time when you just gotta live with your girl and not wake up the baby. Do your thing and be great at it; but if the baby wakes up because you slammed the microwave door at 2:30 just sleep on the couch and think about what you did. There comes a time when you can’t live with your mom anymore. She loves you but she doesn’t want to see your face in her house everyday for free. At least pay the cable bill. There comes a time when you realize god has a bigger and better plan for your life than watching porn on mute because your mom is home on her off day. You learn that sometimes you just gotta move on and move out. I’ve learned these lessons without a father. F*ck you cancer.

I’ve learned that pink polos, durags and ab muscles just aren’t things I need in my life right now. The baby doesn’t care about how dope your pink polo collection used to be and neither do the bitches. Pink polos are dead. I buried 7 of them in my mothers backyard. I tried to grow my hair recently and go back to a time when I was built to wear durags and have the waviest of waves; then one day I looked in the mirror and listened to God and let go. I can’t own a Durag and feel like my goals are being accomplished. If you can…cool. Bless you my brother. My hair doesn’t want to be brushed into a wave pattern anymore. It just wants nutrients and 7-12 strokes to encourage it to stay put. Some times you just gotta learn from life before you can live your life. Sometimes you gotta not have for a period so you appreciate everything you get back.

Forgive yourself for any fuckups you’ve had and just be there for the baby. Setbacks are life’s way of challenging your spirit to be stronger. When struggle happens, you can either fold up like a community center chair or stand up like a man with chest hair and a beard that won’t let you accept bullshit and just be better. The house rules are for a reason. They keep the baby asleep at night and full of happy thoughts. When you gotta walk around the house with headphones on to listen to n!gga’s mixtapes…. you learn the baby comes first. When the only music your baby hears is Adele or Bob Marley… you learn the baby comes first. You can be whatever you want to be, just get paid for it, pay your part of the bills and don’t wake up the baby. That’s a life lesson your father couldn’t teach you because you were too tender to understand. Now that life has been life and you’ve made it to another day, hug your seedling and tell them there is always a way.

The fact you are here today proves that you didn’t quit. It proves that life has plans that still need to be completed before your work here is done. Shake up your juice before you drink it. Make money so the baby can eat and sleep under a roof with heat. Don’t text your ex to see if she cares that you’ve grown up. Just take out the trash the night before, read to your baby and be better looking on the inside than the outside. Those are the life lessons from fatherhood at 30. Don’t even @ me if you’re a young beautiful bitch…I can’t do shit for you because my baby is younger than you and needs more of my time. But be beautiful. God wants that.

– Uncle Ron

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