First off, Mike Tirico doesn’t have any real friends & it’s evident. A real friend wouldn’t let him walk around with a yarmulke worth of hair on his head like that’s the shit to do. It’s not. Here’s my letter…..

LOOK AT ME, KING!

What’s wrong with the baldy, Mike? You don’t think we, the people, feel bad when we see your hairline starting behind your ears? That don’t plague yo mind? Plenty dudes realize their hairline is history & just go full convertible. Stop fighting the inevitable my G. This shit is like intentionally fouling at the end of the game when you’re down 40, enough is enough.

Or is it a pride thing?

I saw some vintage footage where you had the Apollo Creed fro

So maybe you don’t wanna let the glory days go, but I implore you to do so. It was hard for me to let go of the days when I was able to dunk in Timbs and sweats right off the vertical, now I gotta take at least 2 steps before I go up. Does it bother me? Yes. But I learned to let go and I feel good.

Better yet, give your remaining hair to Manu Ginobili so he can close the sunroof in his shit, or Paul Pierce so he can complete the beard, win-win. But nah you don’t wanna be a team player smh.

Good day sir.