It’s nearly the end of 2012 and I know for an absolute fact, some of you f*cked up once or twice this year and trimmed ya beard too low. No amount of dark liquor, white women, or vanilla Dutch gonna make it grow back any faster. You gotta live with that filthy regret until that shit grows ignorant.

I also know that the money set aside for ya schemes, slipped straight through them ashy hands when the iPhone ‘Fizive’ dropped. Coupled with the fact I KNOW a few more sneaker releases gonna be flourishing from the Nike and Jumpman production lines, you n!ggas might as well forget the rest of the year and bypass Christmas altogether. Even ya Pastor gonna be wearing some sort of heat at Christmas. Christ can wait, he forgives.

In light of accidental beard massacre, winter creeping in, men who don’t actually deserve a beard at all, and all the ‘summer body’ Jawns putting on weight; I wanted to compile a short Sadderday list — A ’round up’ of Sadderday stories that have generated media interest in the last few months, here goes..

Lance Armstrong

Smh Lance Armstrong is flying the flag for an athlete looking sad as SH!T. The complexity behind the ‘Doping Scandal’ is that Lance hasn’t actually been found positive for testing. It’s that there are no records to confirm or deny that he has or hasn’t. Lance was fighting against all alleged acquisitions because other cyclist where snitching and ratting the shit out of him. He’s fought against all allegations for years, but like the realest n!gga to ever exist, he gave up fighting. Not only is he being stripped of all medals and titles, but the ‘LIVESTRONG’ line will rapidly become withdrawn from all Nike stores across the globe Smh.

Tameka Howard

Smh another relationship from BlackPeopleMeet.com has gone sour and filthy. Tameka took Usher to court to fight for custody over the kids. Needless to say she lost. The pictures speak a hundred, thousand words. Usher knew the direction his marriage was going in. I’m sure at 1 stage or another we’ve all dated someone who has single handedly stole our wave, or at least tried to.  Usher pulled a classic Sadderday move when he called the police on Tameka many moons ago. In that recording he made sure he sounded extra sad and shaken. His phone call reported a ‘stalker’ in his home, but the stalker in question was Tameka.

Kanye West

You may have never noticed before, but Kanye West really IS the undisputed King of sadderday. He is a prime example of how conducting Sadderday properly can result in wild extravagances, and beautiful women willing to donate their whole wardrobe to charity for you to style them to the way you want them to look. You gotta remember Kanye recorded and released ‘through the wire’ straight after his car crash, in which he allegedly nearly died. His jaw was broken in several places and also wired to help it heal. His first introduction to the general public, and first smash record were based on the saddest of fucking circumstances. I really wouldn’t be surprised that every time Kim doesn’t want to do something, he pulls a ‘sad face’, or texts her “:-(“  It’s an art form to look so discontent and ‘sad’ while wearing couture and smiling on the inside.

Not only does he look miserable as F*CK, but he’s a stone cold creep. He still slithers around like he’s up to no good. Kanye is as happy as precious when she ran out the chicken joint with that bucket, but he has managed to pull off that miserable facial expression to the point he really does look upset. You really think for a single second Kanye wasn’t acting sad to get Kim’s iranian box? Everything from his Twitter rants, to constantly looking like a sadderday king around the time of her wedding where perfectly executed. Now he’s snapping pictures of her naked, and stumbling out of cars with her, while his trousers are hanging off — It’s now emerged that his Sex Tape is being shopped around to the highest bidder. And surprise, surprise, he managed to embody the entire sadderday facial expression in a freeze frame of the footage. Smh Long Live Yeezy and his whole sadderday Aura!

So there you have my short sharp round up of Sadderday subjects. Use them to fake inspire yourself. Lance is running round doing triathlons in the smallest fucking speedo’s you’ve ever seen, Usher kicking Tameka out the Marital home and making her find her own place, and Kanye got a sad sex-tape dropping.

There’s only a matter of weeks left until this year ends. Start drinking, make sure that iPhone set to ‘Do Not Disturb’, and say you were fast asleep when questioned. 2013 is right around the corner, time to start making the fakest plans ever… If you read this from start to finish, you belong to me now.

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Make sure you check @The_S_S out at Kill The King