First of all, I’m a Knicks fan so Spike is 100% ok with me stealing the title of this post. And if you weren’t even worried about that then shut the f*ck up and keep reading. Anyway, college. Most of y’all reading this have either started this long ass journey or are about to be on the way to it and that’s cool. I’m going through the same struggle myself. The thing I never understood though is the advice people choose to give you about it. All of the advice about college people ever give you is usually mad generic and 9 times outta 10 you’re left to have to discover things for yourself. Not one tidbit of real nigga information has ever been passed along, until now.
- Those early morning classes are for soft n!ggas b. Completely pointless and should only be taken when it’s absolutely necessary. Yeah, you want to get all your classes out the way early so you can go back to sleep and i understand that, but seriously, exactly how much sh!t are you doing at noon anyway? Besides, all the b!tches in the 8:00 classes look like they’re going to randomly say “Btw, #nofilter.” at any point in time.
- This actually might be the most important sh!t that no one will ever bother to tell you, but learn the schedule of the campus eating facilities and schedule your classes BASED ON THAT. There’s nothing worse than being that d!ckhead that has to miss Fried Chicken Wednesday because of Critical Thinking class.
- It’s completely okay to still strive to be the class clown. What? You thought because it was college n!ggas don’t like laughing no more? F*ck sense does that make?
- WORK STUDY IS SO F*CKING FIRE. DO NOT SLEEP ON THAT.
- Wait, until you get syllabi (yeah, i’m smart) from your teachers. They don’t always require you to have to get the book s you think you’ll need and sometimes won’t even actually require you to have books at all. Don’t be that d!ckhead to waste $150 on a book that you’ll never even wear out the new smell on.
- Don’t be afraid to blow your refund on useless bullsh!t in the bookstore. You’re already $30,000 in debt. What’s another $200? And nobody will ever love a person that can remember what they spent their refund on.
- Stay as far the f*ck away from cheap liquor as possible. F*ck everything on that bottom shelf and in that $12.99 and under section. This isn’t a game.
- Going to class drunk is surprisingly fun.
- There’s no rule anywhere saying that you actually have to f8ck with your roommates.
- Find somebody with a Costco or Sam’s Club membership. Buy boxes of blacks and swishers. Sell them on campus. You’ll become a millionaire and this also a great way to make new friends.
- Being shy in college is useless. Talk to people. Be social. Network. You never know where it will take you.
- Get tested as soon as you get to campus and be sure to make your negative results very visible and known. It’s an aphrodisiac.
- Take classes with friends . . . just so you won’t have to buy books.
- Studying actually isn’t 100% necessary.
- Quit trying to wife these bitches on campus. They just want to twerk and fuck sum’n. Never forget that.
You’re welcome. Never forget any of this sh!t and i promise it’ll be the best 6-8 years of your life. And if you would like to thank me for shedding light on your life, then DM me some tits. No, seriously…