1. Drop out of school/quit your job and break up with your significant other. Your focus on innovating is being compromised. You could’ve discovered engine-less human flight by now, but you’re too focused on other things. That’s why I’m gonna discover it first, because I’m lonely and career-less. Nothing else to do.

2. Work at RadioShack part-time for 6 months, enroll in an employee discount cellphone plan, then quit. I had an employee discount plan on Sprint for 3 years after I quit. They were none the wiser. I have no problem with taking advantage of corporations. And you shouldn’t either.

3. Go on Craigslist, look for gigs where someone needs something translated. Accept the position. Copy/paste the entire passage/story/instructional material into Google Translate. Submit. Profit. If they need someone to translate for them, they obviously don’t speak/read the language themselves or have the resources to make them aware of your dubious plots.

4. If you go to the grocery store to pick up 1-2 items, and the only lane that’s open has a line of people with full carts, casually walk to the register, drop the cash off for your purchases, notify the clerk, and walk out. Technically, you’re not stealing, and there’s no law that says HOW you have to pay. Time is valuable. Don’t turn a 2 minute errand into a half hour one. I’ve done this before and nothing happened. They actually made a penny off of me because I didn’t stick around to wait for my change.

5. Obtain a homeless person’s social security number by any means necessary. Build up a prestigious credit profile in their name, take out a major loan, and never pay it back. This requires time and dedication. The homeless will remain homeless, you’ll strengthen your bankroll, and the bank will continue to make money regardless. It’s truly a win-win situation, unless you get caught. You can even do this with your own credit if it’s good enough. You don’t really need a good credit score if you have a lot of cash. Use the homeless person’s SSN if you’d rather keep your credit score intact.