Greetings. Beach season is upon us.
It’s late in the Spring Season game and with an apocalyptic summer coming up, thanks Mayans, it is imperative that a up and coming Bunny God prepares himself for the beach atmosphere
Many times, brothas have been caught looking rather pathetic on the beach forgetting that sand and water is not pavement and the block. It’s understandable though because they may have never had anybody to let them know, “Hey, you look like a clown right now” while they lay out on the beach in a full Dickie suit.
Jeans of any kind.
Long Sleeves. I never got why black men did this. I probably never will so just stop it.
Board Shorts or Swim Trunks. Basketball shorts work if you’re in a pinch but I don’t recommend them.
Slides because those sandals are uncomfortable and we aren’t white
Hat. Fitted caps are legit as well.
V-Neck or Tank Top. Keep the V-Neck tees at a respectable V and not a douchebag capital V
Now that the clothing is out of the way, A Bunny God comes equipped with the right things to make the beach right. Face it, we aren’t here to tan and we know this. I personally would rather not be darker than the other side of the moon but unfortunately, bunnies love the sun so guess where I am?
Cooler with Beer, water, and/or liquor.
Red Solo Cups. Drinking on most beaches is illegal but a red cup never gets checked
Beach Towel. Don’t bring your shower towel fool.
Football. What better way to look right throwing tight spirals. Find a good area to get busy.
The equipment list is easy so follow it and you will be ok.
Now that you are ready to hit the beach, just some quick tips to make this experience Bunny God legit:
Do NOT run around asking to apply sun tan lotion to random bunnies. In 2012, you will be considered a weirdo and that’ll kill your campaign before it starts
Make an attempt at getting in the water. Even if you can’t swim, put your feet in my dude. Make it look like you tried.
Get drunk. Most likely you’re going to be out there awhile and the only way to beat the sun is to be under the influence
Position is everything. Place your equipment and beach towel in a good location where bunnies will probably be in abundance. The 3 keys to real estate are location, location, location and the same keys apply to beach bunnies.
Make sure you bring people of like mind with you. Nothing worse than trying to approach bunnies and you have a person who isn’t battle tested with you. You will not make any moves.
Good luck this year gents. Good Bunnies love a brotha who will hit the beach and not complain because we have a history of it but as we usher in the age of the Modern Bunny God, the results are going to be fruitful. I know the masses are going to say this is simple but if it was, why do I see these things happening in 2012? Tighten up, pass this along to a friend, and prosper.
Best of Luck